I am anti-social

I am the kind of person who lives in his own world. I am an introvert. I talk very little. I am more of a listener. I prefer listening to rather than talking. I talk only with persons with whom I feel comfortable. My friends fall in this category as I have known them for years and they know me. They are the ones with whom I feel most comfortable.

I am a shy and reserved person. I rarely start a conversation. I talk only if I feel comfortable with someone. I avoid talking to people who abuse, backbite about others and talk bad about others especially about females. I have no interest in people’s gossips.

I like being alone. It’s not that I don’t like someone’s company. I do like company, but for me to like you, you should understand me. If I like you, I like you and if I don’t like you, I don’t like you. There’s no in-between.

There are many reasons behind my nature. I was not so introverted when I was a child. I won’t say I was an extrovert in my childhood, but I didn’t use to feel the uneasiness among people that I feel now. As I grew up, I became more introverted and quiet. I am so quiet now because I have seen a lot of drama in my house. I have seen never-ending fights of parents. I think that’s the reason I have so anger in me. At home, I don’t talk a lot.

There are many days in my life I didn’t talk to anyone the whole day. I do that when I am very angry or I am miffed at someone or something.

I am introverted, but I am straight forward too. I can’t sugarcoat things or talk in a roundabout manner. I just say what I want to say.

Because of my introverted nature, most people especially relatives consider me arrogant, rude, and mannerless. When I don’t greet them, they think I am mannerless, but they don’t understand that I feel uncomfortable in facing people.

I am anti-social. I have social anxiety. I don’t like crowds. I avoid crowded places. I don’t feel comfortable interacting with people. I avoid social gatherings, marriages, functions, birthday parties, etc. Firstly, I try not to go to such places. If I have to go to such social gatherings, I don’t go alone. Either I go with my family or friends. I find corners in such places where people can’t see me. I try to be aloof from people even in such places.

When someone or relatives come to our house. I avoid facing them, but it’s almost inevitable in two rooms. I feel homeless in such a situation as I have no room of mine. I keep roaming here and there in the house to avoid facing them.

If I go to someone’s home, I try to return to my home at the earliest. I don’t like to stay at someone’s home for long. Staying at someone’s home makes me uncomfortable because I don’t feel comfortable among people. I become conscious about everything. I keep thinking about how I will react there.

If someone invites me to his or her home for having food, it makes me anxious. I don’t feel comfortable going to someone’s home and have food. It makes me more anxious as I am very particular about my food and don’t eat many things. I fear that I might not offend them.

I don’t feel comfortable talking with others especially with relatives. I fear their questions about various things. I mostly respond in gestures like answering I don’t know or yes or no with head and shoulder movements.

I fear public speaking. I can’t face the crowd. I can’t speak in front of people. I have had a fear of stage since school time. Speaking in front of people makes me nervous and anxious. My heart starts pounding and my legs start shaking. I can’t speak in front of people at all.

Even in public places, I try to avoid crowds. If I am waiting for a train on the platform, I sit alone somewhere far from people. I just sit on a bench, plug my earphones and listen to music, hum songs, get lost in my thoughts, think about life, and observe people.

I run away from people. I run away from social events. I can’t mingle with people if I don’t feel comfortable with them. This is the way I am.

Sometimes, I think I am not made for this world. I don’t belong here.

I am anti-social.