I am the kind of person who lives in his own world. I am an introvert. I talk very little. I am more of a listener. I prefer listening to rather than talking. I talk only with persons with whom I feel comfortable. My friends fall in this category as I have known them for years and they know me. They are the ones with whom I feel most comfortable.
I am a shy and reserved person. I rarely start a conversation. I talk only if I feel comfortable with someone. I avoid talking to people who abuse, backbite about others and talk bad about others especially about females. I have no interest in people’s gossips.
I like being alone. It’s not that I don’t like someone’s company. I do like company, but for me to like you, you should understand me. If I like you, I like you and if I don’t like you, I don’t like you. There’s no in-between.
There are many reasons behind my nature. I was not so introverted when I was a child. I won’t say I was an extrovert in my childhood, but I didn’t use to feel the uneasiness among people that I feel now. As I grew up, I became more introverted and quiet. I am so quiet now because I have seen a lot of drama in my house. I have seen never-ending fights of parents. I think that’s the reason I have so anger in me. At home, I don’t talk a lot.
There are many days in my life I didn’t talk to anyone the whole day. I do that when I am very angry or I am miffed at someone or something.
I am introverted, but I am straight forward too. I can’t sugarcoat things or talk in a roundabout manner. I just say what I want to say.
Because of my introverted nature, most people especially relatives consider me arrogant, rude, and mannerless. When I don’t greet them, they think I am mannerless, but they don’t understand that I feel uncomfortable in facing people.
I am anti-social. I have social anxiety. I don’t like crowds. I avoid crowded places. I don’t feel comfortable interacting with people. I avoid social gatherings, marriages, functions, birthday parties, etc. Firstly, I try not to go to such places. If I have to go to such social gatherings, I don’t go alone. Either I go with my family or friends. I find corners in such places where people can’t see me. I try to be aloof from people even in such places.
When someone or relatives come to our house. I avoid facing them, but it’s almost inevitable in two rooms. I feel homeless in such a situation as I have no room of mine. I keep roaming here and there in the house to avoid facing them.
If I go to someone’s home, I try to return to my home at the earliest. I don’t like to stay at someone’s home for long. Staying at someone’s home makes me uncomfortable because I don’t feel comfortable among people. I become conscious about everything. I keep thinking about how I will react there.
If someone invites me to his or her home for having food, it makes me anxious. I don’t feel comfortable going to someone’s home and have food. It makes me more anxious as I am very particular about my food and don’t eat many things. I fear that I might not offend them.
I don’t feel comfortable talking with others especially with relatives. I fear their questions about various things. I mostly respond in gestures like answering I don’t know or yes or no with head and shoulder movements.
I fear public speaking. I can’t face the crowd. I can’t speak in front of people. I have had a fear of stage since school time. Speaking in front of people makes me nervous and anxious. My heart starts pounding and my legs start shaking. I can’t speak in front of people at all.
Even in public places, I try to avoid crowds. If I am waiting for a train on the platform, I sit alone somewhere far from people. I just sit on a bench, plug my earphones and listen to music, hum songs, get lost in my thoughts, think about life, and observe people.
I run away from people. I run away from social events. I can’t mingle with people if I don’t feel comfortable with them. This is the way I am.
Sometimes, I think I am not made for this world. I don’t belong here.
I am anti-social.
6 thoughts on “I am anti-social”
Can strongly relate, brother. It’s like I was reading myself! We are introverts living in a world made for extroverts and it can be really hard. I’m more of an ambivert with a stronger introvert side and a 100% loner. So I totally get what you mean… It can get frightening sometimes. 😅
Good to know that we are on the same page and you relate to it. I agree with you that this world is for extroverts and it get frightening for introverts sometimes. Thank you for reading.
I’m the same way. I dread having to be social and find it very draining. Unfortunately, society often misunderstands people like us and are quick to label us as rude.
Glad we are alike. Indeed, society doesn’t understand introverts. Thank you for reading.
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Well.. no matter what others say, be who you are.. your straightforwardness would make you strong to face all the hurdles..
Thanks for your words.
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